Sometimes I feel like I'm happy, but sometimes I could cry and wailing like a baby, and other times fury raging in my head like I could kill someone, really. I couldn't point out to anyone how was I feeling right now, because there are so many emotions, like happy, sad, devastated, despondent, angry until I feel all of that and I could burst, and I believe bursting will not giving me any good either. I don't know, at this point I really don't know about me, my life, which one is reality which one is dream, and which one is wistful thinking.
I know I definitely not alone, and people--well some people--will talk and want to talk with me. But the problem is, I don't WANT to, I don't want anyone right now, they have been missing from point 0, so why should I bother? and it just make me realise that I won't have anyone out there, I have to deal with it, deal with my self alone. I could be dead and people would never know
I'm telling you here because, well, I just need this to get out of my mind, and maybe someday people will read this and they will know the reason why I behaved strangely.
This emotion-wreck-me is seriously damaging my self, I seriously think that I have a mental issue and I will go mental in a moments or few, and I came up with this stupid mind twisting question, "are we mental, if we think that we are mental? or are we not, because we could still think that we are mental? or there is a mental-illness about this?"
I think you know the answer, I do have a mental illness, a serious one I think.
